I wrote once, years ago when I was in law school, that sometimes I felt like a little mole, digging in the darkness. That there are times in one’s life when there seems to be no light and no purpose outside of this one action: to move dirt and move through.
It is a January Sunday in Ohio, and outside my door the flurries fly, pushed at times by a gust of howling wind, and then settling into swirls, spinning down to the frozen ground. I have to smile; one must be a hardy sort of animal to live in this climate.
Perhaps this January, for you, is a time of moving dirt and moving through?
Perhaps the lives of others seem bright and warm where yours is hard and laborious. Perhaps the past was summer beams of happiness where the present is dark and aching. (Ah! The easy, fairy-dusted false past, always presenting us with the highlight reel and never the truth!)
Well little mole, I have a few thoughts for you…
- You will, believe it or not, look back on this time fondly. If this is your time to dig — dig yourself back to light, work the soil of your life, this is the time of your life. This is the fighting time, the montage moment, the weeks or months you will always look back on as legendary.
- Please do not fall prey to the past. Your mind, when it recalls the past, is a little like a biased news source. It will only feed you the positive things that happened; it will make it seem that the past was wonderful and the present is miserable; it will try (always!) to suck away your energy from the present, to spend it uselessly reliving a fake news version of the past. Do not let it! Change the channel. Remember that the past had its share of difficulties; that you are working to make the future better.
- Do not expect things to be easy or bright or happy right now. Let them be dark and difficult if that is what they are. As author and blogger Mark Manson says, “embrace the suck.” This is the not the time of reaping – it is the time of sowing. So don’t expect the fruit of your labor. Only expect to labor. Believe it or not, knowing that there is a time for everything, and that this is the time for difficulty, makes the difficulty oddly satisfying.
When the light and warmth returns, and it will, you will be thrilled with the digging you did when it was dark and cold.
- Do not think, “I should be happy.” Put away the shoulds for now. Dissolve any expectations of how you ought to feel – and just feel the way you feel. And dig. The digging is the important part right now.
- Trust that this time is fleeting. Whatever the digging is for you right now – whether it is repairing something broken in your life, strengthening your self-discipline, recovering from a grief or setback, or just going to work and back every day – there will be a time when your head pops up over the surface of the soil, and suddenly there is dizzying, glorious light again.
When the light and warmth returns, and it will, you will be thrilled with the digging you did when it was dark and cold. If you are feeling demoralized, this difficulty has come to give you new morale, to give you confidence again. Embrace it and be thankful for it, for the work you are doing is doing a great work in you. Keep digging.
