When I was younger, I was politically involved and enjoyed working on local campaigns and writing the occasional opinion column on issues that were (and are still) very important to me. At that time, I had this idea that people who disagreed with me ideologically were somehow inherently malevolent. I didn’t really see them as people, actually, but rather this nefarious blob of threats to our country, lives and freedoms that must be fought at every turn.
I still hold my political and philosophical views and I still believe in inherent, objective truth. But the miracle pill of time and experience has substantially softened my views of people who do not share my beliefs. I have come to understand that reasonable people can come to very different conclusions on important matters. And they can hold those beliefs with just as much conviction and clarity.
So, with Election Day behind us, and Thanksgiving next week, I think it’s important to ask ourselves whether our ideological opponents can be our friends. (Also, whoever came up with the idea to have a large family holiday less than three weeks after Election Day must have had a sense of humor.) I think the answer is yes.
If someone across the table from you this Thanksgiving is also across the aisle from you, don’t throw the turkey at them. Do these five things instead:
- Seek to understand the experiences that shaped their beliefs. It is amazing to me how vastly different each person’s experience in life can be, even people who live in the same town or go to the same school. One person could have witnessed someone fraudulently using food stamps, coloring their view of government assistance. Another could have witnessed someone in desperate need, a deeply felt experience that created a conviction in favor of government assistance. Underlying many of our beliefs is something that we witnessed firsthand that shaped our understanding of the world. Be open to how the experiences of others have influenced their perspective on the world.
- Reject the flawed logic of political rhetoric. Much of the political spin we are fed by the media or political pundits wouldn’t pass a middle school logic test: “A political candidate is corrupt. That political candidate is also a Democrat. Therefore, all Democrats are corrupt.” Equating all Democrats with corruption or all Republicans with racism is often simply the lazy conclusion of an illogical argument, and it has the result of pitting us against one another from the start – not making for a healthy political climate or a good Thanksgiving dinner.
- Look for the good. I have noticed that people who do this well in other areas of their lives don’t always carry it into politics, but rather see it as their responsibility to diligently seek out and highlight the bad in other people’s political views. I always appreciated the quote from Walt Disney’s 1960 movie Pollyanna: “When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will.” Good people can be Democrats for good reasons, and good people can be Republicans for good reasons. (Good people can also vote for third-party candidates for good reasons, believe it or not.)
- Don’t do what I did and see people as part of a nefarious blob. If you find yourself saying, “Oh my gosh you’re one of them,” under your breath, definitely stop yourself. Politics is not about Us vs. Them as most campaign speeches would have you believe, but rather about reasoning with others and coming up with solutions to problems we agree we have. If you see people who disagree with you as unreasonable, chances are they see you the same way. They are people made in the image of God, and that in and of itself legitimizes them. So see each individual as just that: a legitimate individual with a right to come to his or her own conclusions through time and experience, not part of a threatening mob of crazy people.
- Commit to overlooking, and flat-out refuse to use, the inflammatory language of today’s political environment. “Life and death are in the power of the tongue,” Proverbs 18:21 says. It is alright to have healthy disagreements with people, and it is good to hold your views with passion and conviction. But words really can be a matter of life and death, so respect them and use them wisely. And if someone uses those words against you, ask yourself whether becoming inflamed is really going to help you or that person, and don’t take the bait. Rise above it, for the good of your friendship and our country.
This election cycle has really been a learning experience for me. I have deep respect for people on both ends of the political spectrum, and I also see how hurtful words and perpetuated exaggerations and misconstructions have not only denigrated our dialogue, but threatened to destroy friendships between intelligent and rational people.
I hope that we can open up and seek to understand others, be grateful for the perspectives born out of their life experiences, and rise above the divisive words, even when we ourselves are victims of them.
Perhaps this Thanksgiving is the time and place to start.